Saturday, November 26, 2005

Pre-Natal Hockey

This story has been out for awhile and you may have already seen it but even if you have it's important and bears repeating....

It's never too early to get kids involved in Hockey. So don't wait, act now and get them into...

"We have couples who haven't even conceived yet who are putting down deposits to get on the waiting list. With all of the money in the pro game, can you blame them?"

At his Pre-Natal hockey school, O'Heffernan puts the unborn children through all of the paces.
"Just because they're not born yet, that doesn't mean we baby them. Hockey's a hard, gruelling game. The sooner they learn that, the better off they'll be in the long run."

Drills at the school include motivational yelling at the mothers' stomachs, in-class instructional sessions on modern defensive systems, as well as tutorials on effective forechecking techniques in the ultrasound room.

"The modern game is so complicated, it's imperative that we teach them as soon as possible. If you wait to educate them on the complexities of the left-wing lock after they've been born, they won't be able to grasp all of it, even when they're 18.
And what do the parents who've enrolled say about the program?
This is way more useful than those stupid lamaze classes
...Nigel and Yolanda Bicklethwaite of Etobicoke said that they enrolled at the O'Heffernan Pre-Natal hockey school out of a desire for their forthcoming baby boy to experience life to its fullest...

"And if that kid doesn't make it to the NHL, he's out of the f@#king will.
Yes, as you've probably figured out by now this story is just a joke. HOWEVER, the way things are headed in our society as far as fast-tracking kids goes nowdays maybe we'll actually see something like Pre-Natal Hockey soon.

It wouldn't surprise me... at all.

Hockey Quote for the Day:
"This is the only thing that has seen more parties than us."
Steven Tyler, Aerosmith's lead singer, after admiring the Stanley Cup.

1 comment:

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